Whenever you need a good eye-roll, that cathartic action that makes you feel like you have a grip on the quirky madness of the world, tabloid newspapers are there for you. They say the daft things that need not be said – weirdly, they’re typically the best-selling newspapers, which is a slightly distressing thought.
Step forward The Sun, the infamous UK redtop / tabloid that regularly draws scorn, opprobrium, mockery and higher sales than other newspapers – it’s a big contradiction, in other words. It’s a paper that’s enjoyed making up nonsense about Nintendo in the past, infamously when it made salacious claims about the health dangers of the 3DS, with a fearless reporter risking his very life in order to test the hardware.
So, what’s it done now? It’s picked up the jokes people make about 1-2-Switch and its various ‘motions’ and set them up in a narrative of “Nintendo Switch games lineup includes a VERY suggestive ‘sex act simulator’”. Hm…
Humorously late to the party – most got their gags about this game and its hand gestures out in January – The Sun focuses in on the milking game. Now, we nudged, winked and smiled about this in our preview by saying the following:
Children will find it funny, grown-up friends after a few refreshments at the local public house will likely find it hilarious, and two thirty-something game writers that have had minimal sleep will likely find it utterly peculiar, and slightly uncomfortable.
A ‘sex act simulator’ though? Below is part of the paper’s description, which is again behaving like it’s a minigame that wasn’t extensively joked about in mid-January; The Sun even has ‘a source’ to talk about it…
“You have to coax the milk out of the udder,” a source told The Sun Online.
“There were a lot of nervous chuckles and a certain amount of sexual innuendo when we played it.
“You have to sit opposite the other player and look each other in the eye whilst grabbing the remote and tenderly pulling it down.
“This cow milking game is a lot like a sex act simulator.”
Well, the Milk game is like a milking game, with individuals perfectly entitled to make up their own innuendo.
Whether this sort of coverage is funny, tragic or a bit of both, it’s a reminder of the sort of nonsense Nintendo has to battle against when pitching its system to the public.
With thanks to SLIGEACH_EIRE for the heads up.